"Going Out" An Observation

I don't mind going out, I like dancing and all that. Not that I fit in mind you (entire crowd full of people dressed in traditional club wear or hipster attire), but I am who I am so I go in my boots and nerdy t-shirts and what not.  I suppose that puts me under the "What are you doing here?" category of this club...but there are some other far far more hysterical types of people there, and I'm going to list them for my own amusement (and possibly for 1-3 other people's). Please remember, these are things that I SAW with my EYES (my real eyes, not my crazy eyes).

The Cougar Bachelorette Party - 5 women aged 40-50 dressed in mom-club attire (gotta have some sequins on that crew neck sweater to add some bling) frenetically butt-dancing on top of each other and stopping every 15 seconds to take a picture. How many fucking pictures do you need of yourself at the same place doing the same thing!? "Here's us at the club!!!"....."Here's us, still at the club!!!!!!!!"....."Still here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Having a great time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Woowoo fun times!!!!!!!!" 

Stick Girls Trying To Dance In Ridiculous Heels - This group teeters and totters their way onto the dance floor (also they are between 6 and 7 feet tall with their heels on) and they plant themselves directly in front of you. Then (because they are terrified of toppling over from their lofty heel-height) they do not dance, rather they keep their upper body completely rigid, bend their knees, lean back, and move their feet awkwardly up and down juuuuust slightly while swishing their hair.

Drinky Smurfs - These are the drunky-drunk faces who decide that they want to dance, but they do not want to stand in any of the floor space that is readily available.  No no! They have to take their dance partner by the hand and stumble through the entire crowd so that they can then begin their wild mating-dance in the middle of everyone. Some popular moves of the Drinky Smurf are the Toe Crusher, Arm Flail, and Hair Whip.

Golden Retrievers - These people LEAP AND BOUND onto the dance floor as if someone just threw a tennis ball into the middle of the crowd and OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO GO GET THAT BALL!!!!!!! They push through everyone to get to the very front, and then one minute later they turn around and leave (presumably because someone threw the tennis ball back out of the crowd and they had to go get it, this back and forth can go on for quite awhile).

Rich People Who Won't Check Their Coats - Apparently whatever the coat check costs it is too much money for people who have outerwear made of a small zoo, so they are forced to wear their enormous fur coats on the dance floor. Mostly this type doesn't dance, rather they hold their drink artfully in one hand and wave their arm back and forth dramatically so that they can make sure people around them constantly get either a face full of fur or spattered with alcohol.

The band was good though!