Things Not For Me

It's so funny to sit here and look for work in the industry.  You'd think there would be tons of creative and fun things to submit yourself for, and to be fair I do see a lot of interesting and thought-provoking (and sometimes funny) projects, but for the most part they seem to be not for me and pretty typical. I can always tell within 1 or 2 sentences if things are for me or not and it's pretty funny the stuff I see in a day.

"This story is about a down-and-out porn star---" NEXT

"Seeking a tall, blonde---" NOPE

"Needed: model with hairy legs for commercial. Please send pictures of your hairy legs--" Nuts, and I JUST shaved this morning.

"Must be comfortable around large pit bulls and--" OH GAWD

"Must be at least 5'10-5'11 and weigh 110 pounds--" Dear lord I don't meet either of those and if people do they should probably be hospitalized.

"Need someone 4'10 or shorter--" SO CLOSE! Dammit, what if I slouch the whole time would that work?

"Must be comfortable with intimate kissing scenes, full frontal nudity, full nudity from behind, simulated sex scenes, laying in a pool of fake blood for 2-3 hours, No pay--" ............

I guess I'll just keep looking until someone needs a short, curly haired, Italian girl of an appropriate weight for her height with a quirky face and spunky personality. Or until I can get paid for laying in pools of fake blood naked for 3 hours.