Editing Your Audio: Sometimes Shit Is Screwed Up!

Recording audio for my most recent audiobook project for the awesome Sith Lord Julie Ann Dawson took me less time than I thought it would.  I'm on track to get this book out by May, I thought.  Then, I start editing and it seems that I have 99 problems (but a bitch ain't one because I feel I cannot consider myself to be a problem and maintain a healthy relationship with myself simultaneously).  Anyway, here are a list of some common audio issues I have discovered during my editing:

1. Take is beautiful, then the sound of cat howling is heard in the background. *Scrap*

              "If you don't pay attention to me, I will ruin more than your audio take bitch."

              "If you don't pay attention to me, I will ruin more than your audio take bitch."

2. I listen to one section and realize that I was coming down with whooping cough or scarlet fever or some other disease that was almost cured but then wasn't due to hippies that don't believe in vaccination. *redo*

3. I find that some of my audio from problem #2 is salvageable but apparently any sound that involves a consonant followed by an 'n' (Know, snow, etc) sounds like a goddamn goose honking. *searches Adobe Audition for a de-honker, that feature does not exist, redo*

                              I nailed the goose audition I went to though, suck it de-honker.

                              I nailed the goose audition I went to though, suck it de-honker.

4. After adjusting audio volume to meet RMS standards for Audible, I find that there are a few S's that refuse to be de-essed and have to be redone or people will find their eardrums exploding with pain and horror.

5. I seem to be ahead of schedule! Chapter 6 Section 9 is so short, happy day! Oh wait...Chapter 6 Section 9 is very short because it seems that only 1/6th of the audio made it into the mixdown file...... *.....cries real tears, adds  missing audio in, edits through tears....*

6. Why did I eat all those marbles and peanut butter? Pro tip: Do not do those things before you start to record or when you go back to edit you will be very upset with yourself. "Mmfdlfurkenfurf" said Nadia. (Transcript of my audio)

And finally, I use the mouse so much to click and edit that I think I'm either developing carpal tunnel or boneitis. It's probably boneitis.

                                           This happens to me every day around 5 P.M.

                                           This happens to me every day around 5 P.M.